• Jen Miller

Element of Surprise, A Slimy One

Updated: May 18

Beep, beep, beep. The dreaded sound of our alarm clock going off at 5:30 AM. It's more obnoxious than what I wrote, but I'm sure you get the gist of it.

In our house, it is our goal to enjoy a hot breakfast, read the news, and enjoy each other's company before our children arise from their slumber. As my hubby and I stumble out of our bed, we move like sloths as we go down the stairs in search of these 30 minutes of peace and the ability to eat mindfully. Unfortunately, that's not what typically happens, and neither of us wants to get up any earlier than we need to.

Most mornings, we know what to expect.


Someone will wake up too early and interrupt my "ME/US" time OR

A fight will ensue before 6 AM (Of course, it starts with two or three boys "playing" (a.k.a. roughhousing), then someone gets hurt...THE END) OR

While I'm trying to prep my breakfast, one of the above mentions happens while my food is cooking OR

I'm in the middle of eating my breakfast, haven't finished my breakfast, when one or two or all three of my boys hug me so tight, I feel like I'm going to hurl OR

I'm trying to enjoy my breakfast while reading the news, and someone is talking to me before I can understand a complete sentence, or they are hovering around me like a vulture OR

Someone needs to use the bathroom because someone else is in the one upstairs, and everyone seems to have to use the bathroom simultaneously even though I could hear that they've been up since 5:30 AM.

Now mind you, these are just some of the things that happen daily in our house, typically between 5:45 AM - 6:15 AM. I'm sure you can relate. My boys know that at 6 AM, they are welcome to come downstairs after making their beds, using the restroom, and dressed for school. Most days, this happens, and then sometimes, it doesn't. Typically, that's when things go wackadoo. I've learned to be flexible about it. I've never taken any of my kids to school wearing pajamas unless it was pajama day. Those were my favorite days.

This morning started as a typical morning. Two of my boys were up and had to use the restroom simultaneously. Naturally, one came downstairs to use the half-bath. I reminded him to turn on the lights and close the door (once again). I don't know why my boys prefer to use the toilet with the door open in the dark. I've told them repeatedly that they are not part cat and cannot see in the dark well. The evidence is always left on the toilet, the floor, and the bottom of the toilet base. When I point that out, I hear "It wasn't me" or "I don't know who did that." Seriously!

Meanwhile, we could hear that our third son was up. He and his brother were "playing." As a proactive move, I sweetly sang to my boys that "Jesus said it was going to be a GREAT day." I scurried back to my warm plate of eggs to finish shoveling them into my mouth like I was in an eating competition and chugging my coffee for the boost of energy I needed before any more interruptions occurred.

Just when I thought we would get five minutes of peace, we heard a shrieking scream like the one you hear in a horror movie from an actress. Remember, my boys are only nine years old, so they still can scream like girls. My husband and I sprang to our feet like jackrabbits. Not sure where the screaming was coming from, it took us a half of a second to realize it was our son that was downstairs with us. He came running out of the half-bath like he had seen a ghost. We raced over to see what was wrong. Quickly, our other sons came flying down the stairs to check on their brother and inspect what was going on.

While I was trying to console my son, who was trembling and crying, finding out what happened, he told me this thing jumped out of the toilet after using it. He said that it was a frog. Naively, I thought that this was a small tree frog. He told me that it was not tiny but instead a hamster-sized frog. Ew! I thought, how did this thing get in our bathroom. My husband had used the same bathroom 5 minutes before and never saw this frog. Really? At first, I thought he was exaggerating because we all know that kids like to take small things and turn them into a bigger deal than they are.

When my husband and my other two sons went on a frog expedition in our bathroom, they couldn’t find it. I thought to myself that either my son mistakenly saw something that looked like a frog or that it was a tiny one, not this rat-size frog. Then I heard my brave, sweet husband say, "we found it!" I listened to my other two boys say, "Mom, you need to come to see how big this thing is." Um, no thanks, boys. I believe you guys. My husband captured the slimy, jumpy frog and tossed him out the front door. He said that the frog was all wet. That's when my son told my dear husband that the frog jumped out of the toilet after he used it. Ugh! That's so disgusting. We all had a good laugh about it. I'm just glad I wasn't the one using the toilet and had a frog try to kiss my behind.​

This is what the frog looked like.

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